I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
