16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
