So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
