It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
