I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the day after is always just damage control
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
