So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bring money and cleavage
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
