I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
