Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
