I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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