lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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