the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
