I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
