Me. At least after what I've been through.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
