I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
