i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
