he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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