So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
not ubering you a puppy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
