Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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