we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
