Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
