I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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