i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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