i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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