I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There r osticjed everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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