All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
