she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize