Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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