On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
