I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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