do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
