Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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