you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
