I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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