hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
