Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
