Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
