I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
