Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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