I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
