Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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