I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
