Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
