Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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