i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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