I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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