please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
