Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
