I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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