I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
