I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
