I'm so fucking centered right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
