No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
