I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
