vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
