I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
