I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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