Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
