it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
